Once you've accepted your flaws no one can use them against you.

I keep thinking about this quote, and I realized that this is what I needed to do. It takes time for me to realize things. I am not sure why I have become so stubborn? What was it that made me become this way? Finding out why I did so many things has become very enlightening.

I start looking back in my life and seeing events that cause me to do things. When I said something that hurt a friend or another person. Seeing how others could do things I could not. I would put up defenses. I realized that I have been woeful with coping skills when I was young. And because the foundation was poor, it was never really developed properly.

So now I have to start over at 43 to build a new foundation. Understanding that things will not be perfect in life I get. However, what to do when things do not go my way. How will I adopt? What steps do I need to take to be able to move on. How will my actions affect others? What do I do next?

It is hard to talk with others about these challenges that I have. I still feel that they won't come to me with their problems. Alternatively, they just won't like me because of all my issues. I once again see myself put in a place where I am not sure what to do. What is my next move?

I need to do something. I can't stay this way. If I do, then there is no more growth in me. So I guess the decision is already made. I will have to let it all come out and let the chips fall where they may. If I say that I am not scared I would be lying. This is going to be tough for me. I really need to do this. 

Keep Rambling....

One Thing Leads to Another

What a difference a day makes. I woke up this morning, and it was gone. The weight, the pain, the hate was all gone. Now your thinking well Andy you did have the day off. No, this is different. I feel that I have really purged myself of all that crap that I was feeling yesterday.

Now looking at what I have gone through the past few days I am amazed. Normally, I would be in a funk for weeks, but now I feel great. My mind is clear, and I feel that I have direction in my life. I have never been so focused as I am right now. I did not need a problem to solve to shake my funk. It is just a great feeling.

I have come to terms with a lot of the challenges that I have. I know that I will not solve them overnight. I realized that these challenges did not appear over night either. Some of them have been brewing for years. I must be patient. I have to keep believing in myself. I also needed to listen more to others, really listen. This has haunted me for a while. I started to and hell I would not of lost the weight if I did not listen.

I know that there are others out there that have bigger challenges, then I do. To those people out there just don't give up. You will feel like there is no end to doubt. Just stay the course. Don't let yourself give up. You will make if you believe in yourself. I used not to believe in myself and all it did was derail me repeatedly.

Now the fun part begins. I need to keep myself on track. I will not be afraid of the bumps. I will embrace the challenges that come my way. Enjoy whatever life brings me. I know that whatever it is, I am ready. Well, as ready as I can be.

Keep Rambling ....