Breakthrough

Last night, I had a major breakthrough. I found what has been holding me back. It was my lack of self-confidence. This has affected me since I was in elementary school. This was great to find out. I felt like I really made some progress. Then I started looking back and seeing all the decisions that I made and how they were impacted by this.

It really is amazing how so many decisions that I have made were totally influenced by this one fact. I was not doing things to make me better but trying not to offend. I kept going over and over what I have done. Why I never asked out a certain girl when I was 12? I did not go to prom with the girl I wanted to, why not? I was always afraid to ruin the relationship that I had with her. What would happen if I asked her out, and she did not like me the same way?

Career choices that I have made. Several jobs I took were because they were safe. I was not able to do the career that I wanted to do until I was so unsure of myself that I was not as successful. I was always questioning myself every step of the way. Instead of working on my craft, I was trying not to fail. I did fail as hard as I tried not to.

So last nigh and this morning I kept looking over my questionable decisions. I reached out to a friend who helped me realize that I should remember the past but not hold on to it. Just like my old structure shirts they need to go away. She could help me process my past and put it in another place. Now I am working on today and making new decisions, confident in myself. Will I make mistakes? Yes, I will but I know that I believe in myself, and I have friends behind me that when I fall they will help me get back up. 

Keep Rambling .......