This eats me up inside. What am I supposed to do? Let my friend suffer? I struggle with what words can I say. I feel a pit in my stomach knowing I can't come up with something that will alleviate the pain. There must be a solution. There has to be a way for this person to feel better why it is not coming to me?
Why does this torture me so much? This feeling of helplessness overwhelms me. When do I give up on trying to solve this problem? How do I know that if I give it more time that the answer will come to me? When does it not feel like you gave up on a friend?
There are very few people that I can talk to about this. It is hard to have the trust in a person to share these things with. Writing them here I feel safe, but I do not have any answers then I did when I started. The pain does subside a bit, but the question still does linger.
As I continue to work on the changes of myself, I realize that I have many unresolved issues that need to be addressed before I can truly move forward. When I was a child, I just kept putting all the crap of my room under the bed. The floor looked clean. The crap was still there. Eventually, you need to clean under the bed. I need to keep cleaning my crap out.
The insecurity in myself is still there, but I am working in it. I feel more confident today then I did before. I need to keep working on that everyday. Working on my friendships is something that has many ebbs and flows. I know that I have people that I can count on no matter what. They will always be there for me and I for them. There are days where if feels like no one is there. It is a work in progress.
Guidance is something that I seek. Not sure where I will get it. I will continue to listen and be looking for the answer to all of my questions. I will continue to work on myself and feel good about myself. I know that I am a better person today then I was before. Someday the answer will come to me. And when it does I will share it with you.
Keep Rambling ......
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