Open up ........

I don't have many people that I can truly open up to. This is by choice. I have been very selective on who I do this with because I am afraid of being hurt. However, not that they will use the info that I share against me. It is that once I share this information with them, they will no longer be my friend. They will see how broken I am on the inside, and they stay away.

This has been a struggle for me since I was very young. I would always be afraid of people really finding out that "Andy was messed up" and stop playing or talking with me. My relationships with them would be very shallow and eventually would fade away. By not investing in the friendship, I was doing the one thing that I was fearing; I was being alone.

One thing I would do, so I would not be in that situation is I would take on a cause. I would help others who would be in need. Some would need to talk. Some would need help physically. Whatever the challenge was I there. I would ignore what was bothering me and champion their cause. This way, I was not alone. I helped others, and they would only see the Andy that was there when they need them. Once again, they did not see the whole Andy.

I realize now that I need to let more people in. There might be one person that I can go to but what happens if they can't be there. Do I sit and wait for them to be available? I need to open up to more people. I need to be able to let others in and see all of me. If I don't I will be back in the same situation that I was in a few months ago. That is one thing that I do not want to do. I need to trust more people the way they trust me. 

Keep Rambling ........