I have realized that life is like a seesaw. You are up and sometimes you are down. The hardest thing to do is to balance the seesaw, when both sides are level. I have realized this more so while I have been trying to improve myself. There have been some highs and some low, but I have not been able to be just level.
I worked on catching up yesterday and today. It was amazing; I could clear off my to-do list and then some. It took a lot of extra hours, but I could do it. I felt great. The seesaw is now up. I went to help a coworker get caught up, and they tell me "
Um you are going to be taking this all over."
I say nothing just helped her get caught up, and then I go to my office. Why am I not told by my boss? Why does it seem that everyone else knows but me? I can't discuss this until Monday. The seesaw is now down.
In my life, the seesaw would be different. I would have a great personal life, but professionally it would be a disaster. It seems that I have had this issue of balancing for quite a while. The one thing I have noticed is that I am not letting it ruin the rest of my day. I know that I have the support of my friends to help me work it out. I also believe in myself that I will not let these issues dictate how I am going to feel for the rest of a day or days.
So as the workweek ends, I take a deep breath and stop thinking about work. I now concentrate on me. What I will be doing this weekend? Who will I call and catch up with? What things around the house will I get to? I know I will have a great weekend, and next week will be better than this week. I am not letting a seesaw tell me anything different.
Keep Rambling ......
So when you have an excellent day, what do you write about? Do you write about what made it an excellent day? Do you write about what you did? It is an interesting dilemma. So I will do my best to share with you why I had an excellent day.
I had an excellent day. I had an enormous amount of work to do. I had several phone calls to return. I had many different issues to address. Meeting after meeting to attend, and yet it was a great day. It is days like this all I want to do is bottle whatever made it great and use it every day.
So I sit here and write this blog feeling good. I feel good about my appearance. More than that I feel good about the person that I am right now. I know that I still have work to do, but I know that I am on the correct road now. For the first time throughout my life, I know this is the right thing for me.
When you find that thing that you are missing don't ever let it go. Grab on to it. Cherish it while you can. I know it will not last forever but while it is here, I am enjoying every minute with it. You may find love. You may find true happiness whatever you do find own it. I would like to end this blog with a quote that an old classmate of mine who was wise beyond his years you to say all the time, "
I hope you find what you want, and want what you find."
With that I am out of here.
Keep Rambling ...
I keep thinking about this quote, and I realized that this is what I needed to do. It takes time for me to realize things. I am not sure why I have become so stubborn? What was it that made me become this way? Finding out why I did so many things has become very enlightening.
I start looking back in my life and seeing events that cause me to do things. When I said something that hurt a friend or another person. Seeing how others could do things I could not. I would put up defenses. I realized that I have been woeful with coping skills when I was young. And because the foundation was poor, it was never really developed properly.
So now I have to start over at 43
to build a new foundation. Understanding that things will not be perfect in life I get. However, what to do when things do not go my way. How will I adopt? What steps do I need to take to be able to move on. How will my actions affect others? What do I do next?
It is hard to talk with others about these challenges that I have. I still feel that they won't come to me with their problems. Alternatively, they just won't like me because of all my issues. I once again see myself put in a place where I am not sure what to do. What is my next move?
I need to do something. I can't stay this way. If I do, then there is no more growth in me. So I guess the decision is already made. I will have to let it all come out and let the chips fall where they may. If I say that I am not scared I would be lying. This is going to be tough for me. I really need to do this.
Keep Rambling....
