Andy or Andrew ........

I hear from people that I have changed. I am not the same person that I was. I miss the "old Andy," where did he go? I wonder to myself if the "old Andy" better than who I am now? Do people like familiarity or change? Is it that I am different than what they expect, and that is a good thing or a bad thing? Everyday I strive to be more confident, and each day a new challenge arises to test how I really am.

Yesterday I was tired; I did not sleep enough. I woke up and started my day. At work I was rolling, getting things off my desk at a blistering pace. Then the challenges begin. I get an email from a speaker whom I have been talking to let me know that they will not be able to be at my conference. At the same time, two more funerals are trying to be scheduled. Next I get a call about membership; They would like to go over every option available. Once that call is done I am asked to join a meeting with a family for their special needs' event. The time is now 10:30 A.M.

I get back to my desk; I am overwhelmed. I do not know where to begin. Old habits begin to creep into my mind. I am looking at ways to pass things off. I shake off the notion and struggle to find a direction with all this chaos. Step by step, I start to make progress and see an order. I start to return calls, emails and yes even faxes and the pile begin to shrink. I look at the clock, and it is lunch time.

I get out of my office for an hour and clear my head. I come back, and I am handed a pile of more things to do, twice the amount of my original pile. I begin to feel like a boxer who has gone 15 rounds and the bell just rang for the next round. The process begins again and some how I manage to get through it, but at a cost.

Now I am exhausted. I think to myself is this all worth it. Why am I doing this to myself? It would have been so easy to let things slide. I realize that it was worth it. I am proud that I made it through the day, and I did not give up. Yes, I was frustrated, and annoyed and sometimes pissed off, but I kept going.

I have a friend who has this struggle everyday, and I really feel for them. I listen to their struggles, lack of support, and how at the end of the day they keep pushing forward to do their best and get the job done. I should let them know more often that they are an amazing person, and I hope to emulate them. I will be doing that today. It is the first thing on my list. 

Keep Rambling ......
  

Seesaw.....

I have realized that life is like a seesaw. You are up and sometimes you are down. The hardest thing to do is to balance the seesaw, when both sides are level. I have realized this more so while I have been trying to improve myself. There have been some highs and some low, but I have not been able to be just level.

I worked on catching up yesterday and today. It was amazing; I could clear off my to-do list and then some. It took a lot of extra hours, but I could do it. I felt great. The seesaw is now up. I went to help a coworker get caught up, and they tell me "Um you are going to be taking this all over." I say nothing just helped her get caught up, and then I go to my office. Why am I not told by my boss? Why does it seem that everyone else knows but me? I can't discuss this until Monday. The seesaw is now down.

In my life, the seesaw would be different. I would have a great personal life, but professionally it would be a disaster. It seems that I have had this issue of balancing for quite a while. The one thing I have noticed is that I am not letting it ruin the rest of my day. I know that I have the support of my friends to help me work it out. I also believe in myself that I will not let these issues dictate how I am going to feel for the rest of a day or days.

So as the workweek ends, I take a deep breath and stop thinking about work. I now concentrate on me. What I will be doing this weekend? Who will I call and catch up with? What things around the house will I get to? I know I will have a great weekend, and next week will be better than this week. I am not letting a seesaw tell me anything different. 

Keep Rambling ......