What the Hell.....

Today was a rough day. I realized that to change one self it does not happen quickly. It takes time. There will be peaks and valleys. Today was a big valley.

I realized today that because I have shed all the crap that I was using to protect myself; I am very exposed. I realized that when something brings me down, it really brings me down. I was struggling all day to shake it. No matter, what I did it was not working. I felt lost. I did not know what to do. I just was empty inside.

I felt that everything that I had done to make myself better was for not. I felt that this change was not working. I felt alone with no one to turn to. Nothing was there to pull me out. All I saw was rain and clouds.

I get home and just take some time to think about this. Why? Why am I feeling this way? What can I do to feel better? I do not want to feel like this. I don't like the person that I am when I feel like this. I look at myself, and I feel that I have to make my stand. Now is the time for me to shine. I need to get myself out of this. How can I do it?

I started to write down everything that I was feeling. The more I wrote the less the weight felt. I started to look at the collection of feelings I had. What would the old Andy do? He would at this moment say, "Fuck It" and be miserable. I was not going to let that happen this time. I took that list and ripped it up. To myself, I said, "NO MORE!!!". I will not be that way.

I feel better about myself, not all the way back, but I am on the way. I am not going to go back and do what I used to do. I don't like that person I was, and I want to be this brand-new person. The new Andy will be someone who will achieve great things. I have to believe that I can do this. I know I can. I know that I will.

This is a new day!!!

 

Keep Ramblin...